Saturday, September 14, 2013

Our son has died

I never thought I would need to say the words "our son has died" or "this morning your brother/grandson died". But two weeks ago, on the morning of August 30, 2013, those words came out of my mouth, even though I hardly believed what I was saying.

To say I am sad is an understatement.  I am still grieving the loss of my Dad in April, and trying to help my Mom make sense of her new normal, life without my Dad.  I almost lost her twice within a month because after my Dad died, she embarked on a journey of self destruction.  Now, we share our grief in yet another way. She lost her grandson, I lost my son.

In the past few months I have not posted on here because I have been busy getting her house ready to put on the market, helping her find a new home in another state closer to my brothers family, and trying to take care of the daily responsibilities of two households, a dog, my family, and still find time for my husband and myself. While I am still unemployed on sabbatical, I am busier than if I just had a full time job.  Now I am so happy I still not working.  I knew God worked in mysterious ways, and now I can understand better why I have not been hired yet, despite all the hours spent looking, applications submitted online and in person, and interviews I have been on.  God has a different plan for me and has taken me down a different path once more.  A detour of sorts. An angry and sometimes excruciatingly painful path.

So once I get my Mom settled in her new home, I am coming home to resume my sabbatical.  I will not post sad tales on this blog.  This is reserved for happier stories, stories of my grandchildren and quirky Mom. And don't be surprised to find a new blog started at some point this fall.